I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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