i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
