There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
