The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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