Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
