Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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