i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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