So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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