I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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