My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
