it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
