I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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