you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
