I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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