i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Randomize
