The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
