I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
