what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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