Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize