I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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