hell yes lets make some ravioli
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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