worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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