I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
