sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
