it was like eating out sand paper
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
