break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
