it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
