Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
