just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
