tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
