Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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