he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
