Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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