Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
