I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
