the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
