i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
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His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
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Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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