If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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