I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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