and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
