If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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