I accidentally burped into my bong.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
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She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
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My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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