I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Randomize
