I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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