Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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