SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
