i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
