This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
