i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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