so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I want her autograph on my taint
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
