Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
