i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
