Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
