You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
