She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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