My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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