i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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