PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
