final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
