She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
