Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
