So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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