i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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