She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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