I only kidnapped one of them. chill
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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