hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
