I wish I could teleport
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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