I'm laying in your front yard are you home
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
