I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
