I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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