Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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