Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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