Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
