what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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