guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
