It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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