mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
