My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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