mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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