I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
