i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm passing your future prison.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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