i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
