you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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