girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
